If you live with kids, you’ve probably seen it all: The relentlessly wandering toddler, the preschooler who talks with her mouth full of food, the kid who picks at dinner with her fingers instead of using a fork. As a parent it can be exasperating to teach your kids to behave at the dinner table, but it’s a necessary skill that can help them in the future.
To make your mealtimes fun for you, as well as your kids, it’s important to teach your young children good eating habits early and consistently reinforce them. Teaching kids table manners will improve their social skills overall.
What table manners does your child need to know?
There are a few basic manners you can teach your children as soon as they can sit at a table. These include knowing to wash their hands before they come to the table and to sit up nicely — no wriggling around, putting feet on the chair, or wandering during the meal. Your children should learn to say “please” and “thank you” and to use utensils instead of their fingers. Here are five more table manners to slowly introduce to your children as they mature:
- Wait until everyone is seated and served before eating.
- Use a napkin correctly —that means knowing how to put it in your lap and use it to tidily wipe your mouth.
- Take little bites and eat politely — not slurping, smacking, or chewing with their mouths open.
- Use a knife and fork to cut food.
- Take turns listening and talking with “inside voices.”
Remember that kids aren’t born knowing how to make requests politely or offer to clear the table. These are things they have to be consistently taught.
Model and Reinforce to Help Your Child Master Table Manners
The most important thing to remember about child-rearing is that your children will model what you do. You have more influence than you think. If you model positive behavior and then reinforce it by repeating easy-to-follow rules and recognizing when your children follow these rules, you’ll make progress. Keep in mind, though, that it is a process; be ready to repeat yourself and demonstrate these skills over and over again.
Also keep in mind that there are consequences if you don’t reinforce these skills. According to Donna Jones, who wrote Taming Your Family Zoo: Six Weeks to Raising a Well-Mannered Child, “if you don’t, you’re going to have to unteach bad behavior later on.”
So begin early and reinforce often. Your kids should view mealtime as a pleasant time, but a time when good manners are important. If your kids throw fits or behave rudely, have consistent consequences ready, such as a time-out away from the rest of the family. Getting ready for a holiday dinner or a trip to a restaurant? Go over the expectations with your children on the way.
Your kids want to succeed, and this reinforcement can go a long way toward making them responsible, polite young people. After all, good table manners are really just about having respect for others.
Teaching Table Manners: Worth it for Your Child’s Future
Good manners are worth the initial time and effort — and not just so your mealtimes can be blissfully free of food fights and screaming meltdowns. These social skills set your children up for the future.
Think about it: A kid who can sit still and wait patiently at the table is a little more ready to sit still and learn in a classroom. When a kid has clear rules and expectations, that kid can begin to gain confidence and thrive. Ultimately, teaching manners is all about curbing children’s impulsive nature and teaching them to practice self-control; they will learn how to be polite in social situations, not impatient or offensive. This will help them become better versions of themselves as they grow up and face more challenging social situations.
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